Happy New Decade!

Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who took a moment to send birthday greetings my way. I am always in awe of the love and friendship I have around me. To me, my birthday is my very own New Year. But, being my 40th, I am celebrating a New Decade. I am very excited about this phase of womanhood. My thirties were awesome, so the forties can only be better!

John and I cruised all last week. We did the San Diego - Catalina - Ensenada cruise on Royal Caribbean's Monarch of the Seas. It was our first cruise. You know, for a getaway close to home, it is extremely affordable - - especially if you are not dependent upon alcohol to have a good time. Our bar bill was just $16! We didn't even buy the soda card. While I think everyone should do it at least once, especially being so close to two major ports, I don't think we'll become diehard cruisers. We really enjoy our road trips, with detours, and we love traveling with the kids. We are also looking forward to another lean backpack adventure to Europe...maybe in '08. Hopefully sooner, depending upon a few work-related issues.

On Saturday, I reached out and called several friends. For no reason in particular, just to say "hey" and catch up a bit. Maybe it was partly because of my old schoolmate's recent death, and partly because I turned 40. I guess the issue of friendships has been weighing on my mind lately. After Pat's memorial service, I stopped by John and Vickie's house. When Vic opened the door, she was surprised to see me (bad friend, popping in unannouced!), but she immediately noticed that I looked sad. I said, "I just said goodbye to an old friend, so I thought I should stop in to say hello to my living friends!" She gave me a big hug and welcomed me inside. I didn't stay long, but we did get to catch up, I got to see the boys in their own environment, it was a perfect visit. I know how busy that time of day is for a mom, and I am indebted to her for those few minutes.

Many of my friends have been in my life for a full 20 years. Some of them are the wives of these friends, and they have become just as important to me. Some are the ex-girlfriends of lost friends, and some are common-interest friends. These are the friends that don't really get involved in your day-to-day life, but share a passion for something (like art, or music), so you connect for those situations. And then there's my husband. Being married to my best friend is not something I am ashamed to admit. He cracks me up nearly every day. We can do that weird psychic-couple thing and finish each others thoughts. Sometimes, we are the only one who gets the other's jokes. So why am I even going on about this? Well, I've been forced to compare old childhood friendships to adult friendships. I don't get all sappy about the childhood friends like other people do. How can those friendships hold a candle to the friendships you forge as an autonomous adult? We were children thrust into relationships based soley on circumstance (same school, same neighborhood, same socio-economic caste, etc). You can't give those relationships the same creedance as relationships you actually nurture and selectively pursue based on common interests, common values, and compatible personalities. My best-best friend while I was growing up lived next door to me from the time I was 6 to 14. We knew everything about each other. We still correspond annually (I always look forward to her Christmas letter!), and we have visited a few times over the years. But even that relationship is certainly not nearly as sentimental to me as my enduring, beautiful friendships with Jacky, Bobby and Nora, John and Vicky, Paul and Lori, Dianne, Loni Kate, Jennifer Sue, Leslie and John, Jim and Katherine, Berniece, and Andrea. Oh, yeah, and Bernie. I can't forget Bernie!

So while others are out there wondering where old friendships went wrong, I don't feel the need to go there. As Montel Williams once said, "Ex's are ex's for a reason". You can't ever forget that. If I chose to end a friendship, I'm sure I explained my reasons. It's not my fault if someone doesn't understand my reasons, just be confident that I was clear and it was necessary. I don't take friendships lightly. Nobody should.

As Dr Laura has taught me, you can't bring an alligator into your bathtub and then complain when it nips at your ankles. Friendships, like any relationships, are supposed to be mutually satisfying. Avoid lopsided relationships at all costs. Words to live by.