My former husband and I have been working together producing our annual theater showcase of one act plays. For the first time in several years, I am actually enjoying the process of working with him. Last night, I commented to one of my older lady friends, that he hadn't even annoyed me yet. She smiled and said, "It's because you're happy. You've really moved on."
Yes. It's true. And then I was tested. He's been stopping by my house to pick up our daughter for rehearsal, because she's going to run our tech. So he casually mentions that he took some of my plant pots. Excuse me, what?!? Who does that??? I told him those are mine, not his, and he can't borrow them. But I'm not 100% certain that he took my response seriously. So I'm going to have to draft a calm, polite email, letting him know - - yet again - - that the stuff at my house is my stuff, and is no longer a holding place for anything that used to be shared with him. Gee whiz, why is this so hard for him to understand??? Fortunately, this makes me laugh and shake my head more than inciting anger or agitation, which it used to do. This time, it literally cracked me up. *sigh*
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Tuesday, May 08, 2018
A rant about cultural & ethnic appropriation
I hopped onto my social media, wondering who or what I am supposed to be angry about today. It's Orwellian, gotta get in my two minutes of hate.
Racial and cultural appropriation is the topic du jour. I could argue either side. Yes, it's a problem. But appropriation is going to homogenize our cultures into that proverbial melting pot, and we'll all lose whatever made us unique, right?! Because, as I've always wondered, are we the same or are we different?, and what is the ultimate goal, to be the same, or to be different? For my whole life I've wrestled with this question. I don't wear a salwar kameez, even though I think they are gorgeous and seem comfy! I don't think another cultures' clothing should be fashion. I remember the day I made that choice, about 15 years ago. As a Latina, I had conflict as a teenager, over not being Latina-enough, whatever the eff that means...being surrounded by cholas and asked "why don't you dress like a Mexican?" and knowing your smart-ass retort is probably going to get your ass beat..."ummmm, because my sombrero would get in the way?" (credit: my friend Luana)
I want to get to the place where a POC (person of color to my less-progressive friends) can audition for a play and be considered for any role. Because if the play is Of Mice and Men, it's defeating to know you will only be cast as Crooks, not Lenny, or George, or Curly. Think about that. Seriously, if you don't understand the concept of inherent white privilege, you need to stop and think about that. But how do we get there? I read a great article yesterday, I wish I could find it again, but basically the writer was Vietnamese and he talked about being made fun of as a newly-immigrated youth, for bringing weird, smelly sandwiches to school in his lunch. He was embarrassed, and ashamed, because all he wanted, like most teens, was to fit in. To not draw attention, not be a spectacle, and in order to do that, we must assimilate, step away from our cultural and ethnic touchstones. So assimilate he did. And now, years later, his friends are raving about some great new restaurant selling these delicious bahn mi sandwiches, and asking him if he's ever tried them, and it's a perfect example of what non-POC (aka white people) don't get about this...it becomes "acceptable" when a white person recognizes its charm or value, but until then it is strange, foreign, or scary (a reason to alienate). In other words, it's assimilate, assimilate, assimilate, until non-POC declares "Oh! How charming this is!" and then it's acceptable. That is the part I think is frustrating POC, and non-POC aren't understanding.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I love other cultures. Appropriation is real. Marco Polo brought noodles from Asia, and now everyone equates pasta with Italy. Tuna are being overfished, and some breeds are at risk of extinction, partly due to the appropriation and mainstreamification of sushi. Tattoos are appropriation. Piercings are appropriation. Braids & locks are appropriation. Are those appropriations worse than turning other cultures' holidays into reasons to get drunk? Because people seem okay with that. I consider those more of a bastardization than an appropriation. We all have touchstones of our culture. I make tamales at Christmas, and every so often I like to go to the panaderia and keep a big plate of pan dulce on my table because it reminds me of having a lot of family in the house. I prefer Ibarra over Abuelita. The way I make huevos rancheros is the way my mom makes them, and the way my Nana made them, but they are not the way I have ever seen them in any restaurant. On the flip side, I spend more time learning to speak Swedish and Mandarin than I do Spanish. My family did not celebrate Dia de Los Muertos, but after seeing the movie Coco, I might have to appropriate a little piece of my own culture *sigh*.
Here's the thing: we're all fighting and tearing each other down, feeling unheard and misunderstood. Meanwhile, the powers that be are happy we are so preoccupied by the sturm und drang of the day. Think about that. It take energy to search, research, read, form your opinion, comment, respond to comments, defend, attack, belittle, etc. Energy is precious. Meanwhile, they are riding roughshod over our civil liberties, and making a mockery of our Constitution. They, the fake news makers, keep stirring the shitpot.
Make up your own mind about what is or is not offensive to you. Don't let social media pressure you into fighting a fight that doesn't need to be fought. Because if anyone really gave a damn, or if they were really and truly interested in correcting offensive wrongs, then people would be outraged by the French manicure! The French manicure is an iteration of a French bath, slang for when someone douses themselves with perfume rather than bathing. So, painting the tips of your nails white to hide the filth beneath them, and calling it a French-anything reinforces that old stereotype, that the French don't bathe enough (when in actuality, Americans probably bathe too much lol), and should be retired already. #stopcallingitafrenchmanicure
Racial and cultural appropriation is the topic du jour. I could argue either side. Yes, it's a problem. But appropriation is going to homogenize our cultures into that proverbial melting pot, and we'll all lose whatever made us unique, right?! Because, as I've always wondered, are we the same or are we different?, and what is the ultimate goal, to be the same, or to be different? For my whole life I've wrestled with this question. I don't wear a salwar kameez, even though I think they are gorgeous and seem comfy! I don't think another cultures' clothing should be fashion. I remember the day I made that choice, about 15 years ago. As a Latina, I had conflict as a teenager, over not being Latina-enough, whatever the eff that means...being surrounded by cholas and asked "why don't you dress like a Mexican?" and knowing your smart-ass retort is probably going to get your ass beat..."ummmm, because my sombrero would get in the way?" (credit: my friend Luana)
I want to get to the place where a POC (person of color to my less-progressive friends) can audition for a play and be considered for any role. Because if the play is Of Mice and Men, it's defeating to know you will only be cast as Crooks, not Lenny, or George, or Curly. Think about that. Seriously, if you don't understand the concept of inherent white privilege, you need to stop and think about that. But how do we get there? I read a great article yesterday, I wish I could find it again, but basically the writer was Vietnamese and he talked about being made fun of as a newly-immigrated youth, for bringing weird, smelly sandwiches to school in his lunch. He was embarrassed, and ashamed, because all he wanted, like most teens, was to fit in. To not draw attention, not be a spectacle, and in order to do that, we must assimilate, step away from our cultural and ethnic touchstones. So assimilate he did. And now, years later, his friends are raving about some great new restaurant selling these delicious bahn mi sandwiches, and asking him if he's ever tried them, and it's a perfect example of what non-POC (aka white people) don't get about this...it becomes "acceptable" when a white person recognizes its charm or value, but until then it is strange, foreign, or scary (a reason to alienate). In other words, it's assimilate, assimilate, assimilate, until non-POC declares "Oh! How charming this is!" and then it's acceptable. That is the part I think is frustrating POC, and non-POC aren't understanding.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I love other cultures. Appropriation is real. Marco Polo brought noodles from Asia, and now everyone equates pasta with Italy. Tuna are being overfished, and some breeds are at risk of extinction, partly due to the appropriation and mainstreamification of sushi. Tattoos are appropriation. Piercings are appropriation. Braids & locks are appropriation. Are those appropriations worse than turning other cultures' holidays into reasons to get drunk? Because people seem okay with that. I consider those more of a bastardization than an appropriation. We all have touchstones of our culture. I make tamales at Christmas, and every so often I like to go to the panaderia and keep a big plate of pan dulce on my table because it reminds me of having a lot of family in the house. I prefer Ibarra over Abuelita. The way I make huevos rancheros is the way my mom makes them, and the way my Nana made them, but they are not the way I have ever seen them in any restaurant. On the flip side, I spend more time learning to speak Swedish and Mandarin than I do Spanish. My family did not celebrate Dia de Los Muertos, but after seeing the movie Coco, I might have to appropriate a little piece of my own culture *sigh*.
Here's the thing: we're all fighting and tearing each other down, feeling unheard and misunderstood. Meanwhile, the powers that be are happy we are so preoccupied by the sturm und drang of the day. Think about that. It take energy to search, research, read, form your opinion, comment, respond to comments, defend, attack, belittle, etc. Energy is precious. Meanwhile, they are riding roughshod over our civil liberties, and making a mockery of our Constitution. They, the fake news makers, keep stirring the shitpot.
Make up your own mind about what is or is not offensive to you. Don't let social media pressure you into fighting a fight that doesn't need to be fought. Because if anyone really gave a damn, or if they were really and truly interested in correcting offensive wrongs, then people would be outraged by the French manicure! The French manicure is an iteration of a French bath, slang for when someone douses themselves with perfume rather than bathing. So, painting the tips of your nails white to hide the filth beneath them, and calling it a French-anything reinforces that old stereotype, that the French don't bathe enough (when in actuality, Americans probably bathe too much lol), and should be retired already. #stopcallingitafrenchmanicure
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